| This is a guide for expectant fathers. Not what to | | | | once knew. The sickness will, hopefully, settle down as |
| expect from the impending birth of your beloved | | | | will the other symptoms and her body will begin to |
| offspring; that is relatively straightforward. No, this guide | | | | adjust. Now she will begin to feel broody and want to |
| is about what to expect from your wife, girlfriend, | | | | start busting your credit card with baby purchases for |
| partner, significant other over the coming months. Once | | | | a bump that you can't even see. |
| you've planted your seed and that baby is on its way, | | | | One tip here. She will want everyone to be able to |
| there's every probability that it will be some time | | | | see she is pregnant so when she turns side on to you |
| before you see the woman you know and love again. | | | | looking as svelte as ever just say yes dear, you can |
| Pregnancy does something 'other worldly' to your | | | | see the bump and yes dear, pregnancy suits you. |
| woman that no text book will tell you about. You will | | | | Stroke and cuddle the non-existent bump as if you |
| read of morning sickness and back ache and food | | | | already know it the way she does. |
| cravings but there are other aspects to this period of | | | | Moving into the second trimester of pregnancy, you will |
| your life that you won't read about and that nobody is | | | | actually start to see the bump. Do not, under any |
| willing to admit to - a darker side to pregnancy, and | | | | circumstances, tell her she is fat. Never. Tell her she is |
| that is what I am here to warn you about. | | | | positively blooming, glowing, beautiful, regardless of |
| Let's first break the pregnancy down into the | | | | whatever you may think of her changing shape. This |
| trimesters that you will have read about already. The | | | | should be a relatively easy phase. Between three and |
| first three months are when your pregnant lady will | | | | six months of pregnancy your woman will be able to |
| experience the most changes. Her body will feel as | | | | cope, she will feel the joy of her baby moving, sleep |
| though it has been taken over by an alien life form. | | | | will still be possible, bladder pressure will be bearable |
| The baby will be too small to feel moving around but | | | | and all will be rosy. |
| the body goes through a major upheaval during this | | | | The third trimester of pregnancy will be bitter sweet. |
| most important developmental stage in the baby's | | | | You will be starting to bond with your baby, learning its |
| forming process. | | | | waking and sleeping patterns (don't be fooled into |
| For reasons as yet unexplained, she will need to pass | | | | thinking this will continue after birth, just accept that |
| urine approximately forty seven times per day, without | | | | they don't sleep). You will have adjusted to sharing |
| sleep breaks. She will also very probably get | | | | your bed with a beached whale and you will know that |
| excruciating back ache. Apparently, this is something to | | | | if you want to get out sometime today then best you |
| do with the effect of hormones on the ligaments, | | | | help your beached whale up out of the bed, off the |
| personally it just feels like a practice run for how | | | | sofa or out of that chair because by the time she |
| knackered the body will feel for the rest of her days. | | | | manages it herself it will probably be time to set off for |
| A large proportion of pregnant women will get a | | | | hospital. |
| degree of morning sickness. Do not turn away in | | | | Your wife will now be a little cranky, particularly if it's |
| disgust. Do not complain if you wish to keep your ability | | | | summer. Her ankles will have become cankles (the |
| to ever father children in the future. Just realise that | | | | same thickness as her calves), shoes and clothes will |
| when she's doing her exorcist impressions and | | | | be a nightmare to get into or out of, legs will go |
| projectile vomiting one hundred paces across the | | | | unshaven, toenails uncut unless you would care to |
| room that this is all your fault, you did this to her. Just | | | | assist with any of the above. Bathing will be a mission |
| hold her hair out of the way and know that this stage | | | | in itself. But don't worry, however much she moans |
| will pass. | | | | about the situation, you are now on the home stretch |
| Towards the end of the first trimester of pregnancy, | | | | and it's almost time to stop holding your breath and |
| you may be lucky to get glimpses of the woman you | | | | look forward to your imminent arrival. |